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the maloney & fox blog

 

a maloney & fox blog
 

Smile friends (let us carry your heavy loads)

Each year, in honor of our humble “business plan on a cocktail napkin” beginnings, Maloney & Fox sends our friends and family a package of custom coasters—just to let you know we’re thinking about ya.

If you’ve been checking the mail daily for your annual M&F coasters, and worry you’ve been left off our list…

FEAR NOT.

This year, in lieu of our traditional coasters, we thought it better to reach out and lend a hand. Recessions blow and everyone’s load seems to be getting heavier.  But when the going gets tough, the tough make bags for charity.

Our friends at Operation Smile work hard every day to heal children’s smiles and transform lives across the globe. By purchasing this limited edition Maloney & Fox Smile Tote for just $35, you can help them give a child the smile they deserve.

Besides, don’t you think it’s time your cocktail stood up on its own?

(click on the images below for a better look at the bag and for information about our good friends at Operation Smile)

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Best. Band. Ever

I returned from Austin last month, ears still ringing, body and clothes still reeking of BBQ and Lone Star Beer, planning to write a pithy, characteristically lengthy post about my virgin SXSW experience but, as any loyal reader of this blog may have astutely noticed, I didn’t.  And I won’t now, because…well, because the moment has passed (although I will recommend Future of the Left, Black Lips, Primal Scream, King Khan and – shameless plug – Nacional as high points of the show).  Fortunately, an opportunity to write something music-related has come up in the form of the wonderful band a few of us stumbled upon at the save Coney Island benefit a couple of weeks ago.  No need for a long post here, but it’s enough to say that .357 Lover blew my mind hole. Wide Open.  A sort of bastard love child situation in which early-era Queen has birthed a monster, while ELO and Meatloaf contest paternity in the next room.  And Van Halen mediate.  Pure.  Balls.

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OK, OK, Yes I’m Still Listening to Lauren Zettler

It’s no secret if you follow me on Twitter (bmaloney212), Facebook or are around me for at least five seconds you’ll know about my newest obsession in fantastic talent – Lauren Zettler (myspace.com/laurenzettler).  I’ve always been a fanatic about women with great voices who play the guitar but don’t think I’ve ever been this close to being a stalker or giving up my job to be a LZ groupie.

In addition to her first EP “Call Me Out” (which I have copies for anyone who wants one) she’s just released her newest EP “On Your Back Porch.” Both bodies of work are the type of music for me that just either stays in my CD or locked on constant play on my iPod.  Favorites are “So Much Here,” “Over My Head,” “Call Your Bluff,” “Killed a Man,” I Want You Back,” and “Persevere.”  Lauren also composed and sings “Fresh Pair of Eyes” on the www.maloneyfox.com Web site along with two other fun and catchy branded ditties.

Her upcoming show is at Rockwood Music Hall (www.rockwoodmusichall.com) Monday, May 11th at 9PM.  There is no cover and it’s a great (and important) venue for artists to showcase their stuff.  Lauren will also perform with Allison Weiss in the Pacific Northwest beginning May 21st (see schedule below).

Portland, Oregon

Thursday, May 21 @ 8:00PM

House Concert - Woot - PNW Mini Tour with Allison Weiss! RSVP inside

Friday, May 22 @ 8:00PM

Someday Lounge w/ Allison Weiss

Saturday, May 23 @ 8:00PM

The Waypost w/ Allison Weiss

Seattle, Washington

Sunday, May 24 @ 7:00PM

The Skylark Cafe & Club w/ Allison Weiss

Vancouver, British Columbia

Wednesday, May 27 @ 7:00PM

The Railway Club w/ Allison Weiss

I hope you can check her out sometime and tell your friends of your newest musical discovery!

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Prognostications, Potables & Potties: Creative Week NYC 2009

It happens. You’re out and about mulling genius creative … and then you have to go. Really bad.

On Monday, May 4th, Maloney & Fox invites you to stop by and use our clean and hygienic loo. And if you are of the mind – please stick around for a short spell. We have a few comfortable chairs to spare. We will have a palm reader in the house as we are wont to put as much stock into their predictions as the pundits these days. Have a cocktail for the road and you are off to the races, again.

One pee per creative customer.

DATE: Monday, May, 4th 2009
LOCATION: 89 Fifth Avenue, 4th floor (between 16th/17th Streets)
TIME: 02:00 PM - 05:00 PM
COST / ADMISSION: free
WEBSITE: www.maloneyfox.com
CONTACT PERSON: Duval Hopkins / dhopkins[at]maloneyfox[dot]com

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Reasons to be cheerful

Watch the news for five minutes and you’ll be forgiven for thinking the world’s off to hell in a hand basket. I imagine the End Times crowd are in their element right now, stocking up on bibles, canned food and ammunition.

Being English I’m used to disappointment, so I prefer to look for the diamonds in the rough. As Monty Python sang, “when you’re chewing on life’s gristle, don’t grumble, give a whistle.”

Here are a handful of reasons for whistling while you leave your 401(k) statement unopened:

1) The restaurant scene’s new found love affair with pork. Of course, for many of us pork never went out of fashion but like a recidivist junkie, we’re not just dabbling with the odd bit of bacon here - we’re selling our mum’s jewelry so we can get our next fix of…

  • Pork buns - the sole reason why China will rule the 21st Century.
  • Pork belly ramen - the Japanese are pretty intense, right? I mean Samurais, come on, lighten up! But their quest for perfection in all things is pretty badass when you think about it. I mean, until I was 28, all I wanted to do when I grew up was to be a Ninja. Now, my sole ambition is to paddle in fatty broth on a bed of ramen noodles.
  • Banh mi- this is what happened when the French and Vietnamese made sweet love and gave birth to a golden child - a child it’s not creepy to gaze at for too long.
  • Porchetta - oh Italians, you’re so rubbish at wars you pick fights with Ethiopia, but what sandwiches!
  • Smoked pork butt - let’s not forget America’s contribution here, folks. Americans may eat themselves to an early grave, but who would deny us this slow, beautiful suicide?

2) Just a few months to summer and Coney Island is but a Q Train away.

3) After 20-odd years, Watchman finally makes it to the big screen. You have no idea what this means to a generation of comic book nerds. I had a Dr. Manhattan T-shirt in the 80s!

4) Spring is around the corner and you know what that means - mooching around farmers markets, getting aroused about root vegetables. Right??!!?

5) Amazing TV: Flight of the Conchords, Eastbound and Down, Lost, 24, the final episodes of Battlestar Galactica. Staying in is the new going out!

Whistle on.

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Me and My Snuggie

Me and my snuggie
And now to repeat what I said at the start
They’ll need a large crowbar to break us apart

Being the recent proud owner of a herniated disc, I’ve been spending a lot of quality time couch-bound, basking in the warm glow of infomercial bliss.  Through the sea of irrelevant Tater Mitts (don’t cook), Mighty Putty (don’t DIY), and Ped Eggs (don’t care), shone one beacon of sheer ingenuity that struck me: The Snuggie.  Simple in its concept, clear in its missive - I decided that I needed to own this distinctively American item that promised to swaddle me in the warmth of a fleece blanket while offering me the freedom to move my arms through oversized sleeves, all without slipping or sliding, as a normal blanket would!  At last a product that could save me from my lifetime dilemma of wanting to gorge comfortably without having to risk an undesirable chill against my arms as I put down my blanket and reached for my second Chalupa.

Recent media coverage of my future savior cited frenzy around online orders for the beloved invention, resulting in delays and production backlogs.  I wouldn’t stand for this!  After taking an impromptu survey among friends to determine willingness to test out the Snuggie (among the more pleasant responses were: “you have severe problems” and “please remove me from this mailing list” - and those were just from my parents, mind you), I eventually managed to find one agreeable candidate for the Snuggie experiment - my friend Alex.  We decided that in-store purchase was the way to go for immediate gratification.  Calls were made to drugstores to check stock.  Maps were drawn up.  Friends were asked to make in-person spot-checks.  And then we got serious about the hunt.

Fortunately for us, the Snuggie stock in NYC was plenty healthy and I stumbled upon an entire “As Seen on TV” display at Walgreens in Union Square.  Giddy with anticipation I brought two boxes up to the counter while I called Alex to tell him the great news.  The look on the cashier’s face can only be described as a mixture of pity and confusion.  “Surely the one Snuggie is enough for you, isn’t it?” her eyes said to me.  I ignored her silent judging and made my way home with glee.  Later that night Alex came over for the grand Snuggie unveiling and they did not disappoint.  We put them on, looked at each other and locked eyes in horror over the depths of gluttony and fashion faux pas that we had sunk to.  This horror quickly gave way to uncontrollable laughter, and eventually to full-blown joy over our newfound glory.  Snuggies were as wonderful as we imagined!  They kept us warm, allowed us the flexibility to walk around and lounge without suffering cold feet, and were roomy enough to expand throughout an evening of mass quantity junk food consumption.

Snuggie Pros: warm, soft, VERY forgiving on the silhouette.

Snuggie Cons: prone to static cling, is not “attractive”.

Bottom line - Snuggies rock!  Don’t be fooled by pathetic imposters (I’m looking in your direction, Slanket). Snuggie is the only way to go.

How a snuggie should look

When snuggies go horrifically wrong
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Liam Neeson, action hero?

Go see the movie Taken. It’s 94 minutes of decisive action and makes Rambo look like a chick flick.

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Just because the world looks and smells like SH*&&%t, doesn’t mean you have to…

Okay, I’m officially going to out myself.  I, who have for years now prided myself on the ability to gift very well – am a wee bit fraudulent.  Not out of malice, disinterest, laziness or lack of vision.  But because I know how to give a gift that never falls short – I have continued to go back to the same well, often.  Hell, well always.

I have been gifting products from malin +goetz (malinandgoetz.com) for the past five years.  They have the best, most stylish, grooviest bottles of  fantastic smelling, do-what-they-claim line of body lotions, shampoos, lip balm, candles, shaving cream and the like out there.  They appeal to men, women, old, young, dog lovers (please find their product hound page).  Those who care about style.  Or substance. Or both.  They have been universally well received as birthday, anniversary, happily divorced and starting fresh, congratulations, teacher, shrink and even condolence presents.

I wasn’t going to tell the world about this because I want people to think that I put a lot of thought into their respective gifts.  Truth is, I do.  The guys at malin + goetz just make it too easy.  Blame them, not me.  Helps too that they are the nicest business guys out there.  Who are funny.  And who put pictures of both of my pooches front and center.

I still like to surprise myself with a little malin + goetz something special. Just because the world is going to hell in a handbasket, at least right now, it doesn’t mean I don’t want my hair to shine and my skin to glow.

Buy it for yourself and ones you care about.

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Lick My Chops

I’ve thought about becoming a vegetarian – you stay healthier, live longer and make the world a better place…then I remember: bacon. Life without pork, is well…not quite as tasty.

Last weekend, I had a small dinner party – a rare occasion these days since I’ve suspended cooking most anything from scratch with two babies at home.  But this was an exception and turned out to be a delicious one on a cold winter night. The star attraction: pork chops!

Here is my secret that I tell everyone – you must ALWAYS, without exception, brine your chops.  These days, our little swine friends are raised to be quite lean and, unfortunately, that means the flavor ain’t what it used to be.  Brining in a sugar and salt-water solution for a couple of hours (overnight is ideal) will transform your pork experience.  The other rule is don’t overcook pork (or any meat for that matter).

THE MENU

WARMING SALAD
Some years ago, I read that avocados and citrus are “warming” foods and good to eat in the winter, plus I think they’re a great combination.

  • 1 avocado cut into cubes
  • 1 pink grapefruit (if you don’t like the pith, which I find too bitter, skin the grapefruit with a knife, slice in rounds and pick out the sections… tedious, but I think it’s worth the effort.)
  • 1 small red onion, sliced
  • Chopped walnuts (optional)
  • Romaine lettuce, washed and torn

DUVAL’S KILLER DRESSING
Memorize this one… it’s an easy crowd pleaser.  Be sure to taste as you go, because I never measure and have no real idea of the amounts!

  • 1 tsp mustard (brown, dijon, pommery),
  • 1 tsp honey (maple syrup ok too)
  • 2 Tb Red wine vinegar
  • Good olive oil

Mix mustard and honey, then add vinegar. Whisk in equal or more amount of really good olive oil (don’t skimp on the oil). Season with salt and fresh ground pepper.  Always toss your salad before serving – it tastes so much better.

PORK CHOPS
I generally select boneless chops about ¾ inch thick.  I also like bone-in chops, but they really want to be cooked on an outdoor grill. For the brine, add a couple of tablespoons of salt & sugar and enough warm water to cover the chops in a bowl or container.  Cover and refrigerate for at least 3 hours or more.

To cook, meat should be room temperature.  Heat a heavy-bottom pan with a little olive oil or butter, then brown the chops on med-high heat.  I start with about 3-4 minutes per side – you really have to monitor it closely (set a timer if you can).  To check for doneness, press on the meat – if it feels spongy, it’s not cooked through.  When just firm to the touch but not hard, the chops are ready and should be a little bit pink inside.  Remove and let sit for a couple of minutes – they will keep cooking, so it’s better to take off the heat sooner rather than later.  I’ve had to practice this a lot!

ONION SAUCE
For an easy topping, sauté sliced onions in butter until limp and golden brown; serve on top of the chops (vidalia or sweet spanish onions are perfect). Figure at least one onion per 2-3 chops.

BUTTERNUT SQUASH PUREE
Butternut squash is amazing.  This one I had on my kitchen counter for TWO months and it still tasted great! (Recipe from Mark Bittman’s How to Cook Everything.) This can be made in advance and heat before serving.

  • Peel one large squash with sharp knife, cut in half lengthwise and scoop out seeds.
  • Cut into cubes
  • Steam 18-20 minutes (squash should be quite soft)
  • Put in food processor with 2 tablespoons of butter and add spices… I used 1 teaspoon ground ginger (but would have preferred fresh grated ginger) and 1 teaspoon honey (brown sugar or maple syrup).  I also added white pepper, but won’t do that again.

INSTANT CHOCOLATE MOUSSE
So easy, it’s stupid… thank you, Nigela Lawson!

  • 1 ½ cups mini marshmallows
  • 4 Tb (½ stick) butter
  • 9 oz. best quality semi-sweet chocolate (chips or chopped into small pieces)
  • ¼ c hot water from recently boiled kettle
  • 1 cup heavy cream
  • 1 tsp vanilla extract

Put marshmallows, butter, chocolate and water in heavy-bottom saucepan. Put saucepan on stove on med-low heat to melt, stirring every now and then. Remove from heat. Whip cream with vanilla until think and then fold into the cooling chocolate mixture until smooth. Pour/scrape into 4-6 glasses or small dishes and chill.

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The Legendary Bill Smith

This post is long overdue, so apologies for its tardiness but traveling the US and Canada slinging liquor, a wedding in the Republic of Texas, family functions in the Buckeye State, a ten year class reunion and a trip to the former Soviet Union has put many things on hold. Before that I’ve really got no excuse other than my sheer fear of writing. I’m a conversationalist by trade, possibly even just a loud voice that is happy talking to himself but, nonetheless, a verbal craftsman. You want a belligerent one-liner – done. You want a 20 minute speech about why when the apocalypse comes you best have a freezer full of Arby’s Beef n’ Cheddars and a drawer full of naked lady golf tees – done. You want to hear how the biggest accomplishment in my life has been holding down a full time job that involves waking up in the morning for almost 5 years – done.

However, after our holiday party I was presented with the perfect opportunity to write a blog. In typical M&F fashion we had a solid open bar, wonderful food as far as the eye could see and, of course, a play Santa with aphephobia who handed out gifts. The epic gifts ranged from a complimentary kidnapping sometime in 2009, a drawing of a cat and a blog post about how awesome you are.

Well… luck you Bill Smith of Maloney & Fox front desk fame – I’m covering the blog post about how awesome you are!

The Legendary Bill Smith:

Bill Smith, born Hector Cortez, escaped the womb on October 12th 1950. Born of humble beginnings in Montreal, the son of a Canadian novelty salesman and the first female black belt in Quebec, Cortez had an uneventful upbringing. At the age of 19, Cortez moved to rural Connecticut on a student visa, where after dropping out of Clown College he joined the famed Greater Connecticut Family Jug Band, changing his name to Bill Smith to stay in the United States. During a tour of the greater East Comwall region, Smith dropped the band name and signed to Epic Records as a solo jugger.

Smith’s solo career reached its zenith in 1971 when he released hits such as “Dump out That Milk and Play a Song” and “Get me a Soda, it’s Jug Playing Time.” During this era, Smith was notable for his outlandish declarations that he loved the Boston Red Sox and could beat up Bruce Lee before Bruce Lee knew there was a fight. When asked about the declarations in an interview for VH1’s Behind The Music, Smith stated the reason behind this was due to his father having taught him how to sell an overpriced container of maple syrup in a novelty maple leaf shaped jar to a maple syrup farmer.

During the 1980s, Smith played backup jug for a series of bands including the Damn Yankees, Rush and RATT. After 12 years of sitting in the background and out of the limelight, Smith returned to his solo career. In 1992 Smith released “Same Jug, New S#!t”, his best-reviewed album since his solo debut. After a series of underwhelming stadium shows and a fist fight which landed 8 bodyguards and 13 year old Mouseketeer Christina Aguilera in the hospital, Smith retreated to the world of public service.

Smith can currently be found saving the rainforest one square inch at a time, protecting the nice dolphins from bully dolphins, keeping Maloney & Fox an awesome place to work and making sure that the cast of The Hills “conveniently” films a season on one of those islands North Korea tests bombs on. Still  under his assumed name Bill Smith.

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